“It’s like being part of the Certitude family.”

Nigel talks about how good communication has been key to getting support for his brother Ian.

My brother Ian has been supported by Certitude since March 2022. He was about to become homeless when we realised that he needed support to look after himself. We are his only family now but, we live in a small apartment where I support my wife as well as having a full-time job. So, we spoke to social services for help.

It took about five months to find a permanent home for Ian. After quite an intensive assessment process, he went into a transitional care home first, but to find him a permanent place to live with the support he needed was quite a task.

The first place Ian was offered fell through, but then this one with Certitude came up. We had a look around and met with the manager, Pauline. There was a choice of two rooms, so we chose the room he wanted, and it all just seemed ideal for Ian. He was happy and I was happy. Funnily enough, he lived in the same area donkeys years ago and worked not far from there which is fantastic as he has early on-set dementia, so to have some things that felt familiar to him was great. It was almost a home from home for him.

Ian has learning disabilities, my parents never pushed for a diagnosis, and he never got any qualifications, but he had a job. For nearly all his life he has worked in the same hotel. For 35 years, working long hours, six days a week. That has been his life and his routine. There was a wonderful management team in the hotel who were very patient, supporting him to keep his job all those years and who kind of treated him like family. However, unfortunately the hotel was sold, then closed and all of the staff were made redundant. That’s when it became obvious that there was something else going on for Ian that meant he was finding it difficult to do everyday tasks and look after himself. He was then diagnosed with early onset dementia.

Because of the deteriorating memory, finding a home in familiar surroundings has worked out quite nicely for him. I visit Ian generally every Sunday and, where possible, If I'm over that way I'll pop in and see him. So, whilst we have the normal meetings and reviews, I regularly meet up and chat with the support team who are a good bunch. The manager Pauline is brilliant too. It all comes down to good communication.

If Ian's having a problem or anything has happened, they’re straight on to tell me. I don't find anything out a week or 10 days later or when I visit him. They're straight on the phone or send me an e-mail. And that’s reassuring. They’ll tell me what they’re doing and we’ll discuss risk assessments or a risk review…’do we need to stop him doing this’, or ‘do we need a workaround to stop it happening again?’. Things change when you’re caring for somebody with dementia, so we talk through a plan that everyone is happy with. It’s all good communication. We talk a lot.

When Ian first moved there, we’d been worried that he wasn’t getting out enough and his health was suffering because of his weight. He’d put a lot of weight on before he went to live there, so the team have worked with Ian, the GP and a dietician to support a healthier diet. We got him going swimming at one point but that didn't last long, he wasn’t enjoying it, he’s never been a sporting orientated or physically active person. However, last year the team came up with a brilliant idea of getting Ian into college, which was great. He goes to college three times a week, for a couple of hours a day, which stimulates him. He’s quite sociable so he enjoys seeing other people and getting out and about and whilst he’s doing that, he’s also getting some fresh air and a bit of exercise.

Ian now lives a busy life. We’re both motor racing fanatics, the pair of us have been all our lives, and I'm actually a Marshall at Brands Hatch. Once or twice a month from April to October I'll take him down there to see the motor racing because he loves it. And he’s also supported to go out with the people he lives with, on trips, or to celebrate somebody's birthday by going to a little pub or restaurant for a meal.

Ian’s happy with the support, he’s a bubbly character who goes with the flow, but he’d soon tell you if there was something he didn’t like. But right now, he sings everywhere and is enjoying life. He’s quite a card really, he hasn’t lost that side of things, but he just needs support with everyday things.

For me I’m just really happy to be included in regular communication with the team. It’s very dynamic. And I go to the ‘Time for families’ meeting with the family support team. I’ve been going to those since they started. It’s a good place to chat with other family members and Sophie and Noelia make it quite interactive. We have guest speakers on different things that might interest us. Last week we had a presentation on our mental health as family carers. And that was great, I was able to open up and share my life experiences. It’s like being part of the Certitude family. That's what helps us feel included.

I know that I’m like a Jack Russel with a ball if I want something done, I’m not letting go, I’ll keep at it. The manager Pauline is the same; she gets on the case for you to make things happen with the resources available. This world isn't perfect, so you've got to be pragmatic and make the best of what you've got. I’m just continuously grateful that Ian is happy and that we’re getting the support he needs. It’s all about having a good attitude, good communication and also being realistic about what we can do together.

If you are a family member of somebody we support, you can join Nigel and other family members at our next 'Time for Families' catch up on the November 28th, 6.30pm-8pm – contact our Family Support Team for more information.